it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
