Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
