I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
