corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
