but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
