Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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