haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
