when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i will never coherently bang her
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
