Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
