Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize