I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
