I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
