I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Randomize