Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
