I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
