how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
