I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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