I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
