anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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