that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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