weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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