Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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