I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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