Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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