I think scott just propositioned me for sex
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Enjoy the penises
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
