Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
