She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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