I skipped work to stalk him.
I intend to get homeless drunk
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
