I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize