y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
