Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
i believe in u and ur pee
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
