I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
