If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
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