I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
