somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
