Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
3 2 1 whiskey
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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