My nipple is on Facebook.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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