oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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