That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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