ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I just want nice things and good sex
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
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