The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I need to stop coming to work sober
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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