We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
