Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
