Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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