he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
