Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
