I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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