hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
