so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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