my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
