I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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