I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
