i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
