So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
