My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Randomize
