i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize