did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
