There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
