yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
