dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
