And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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