"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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