I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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