Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
