is your mom at the bar?
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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