her vagine was all disorganized.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
