I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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