Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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