oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Randomize
