SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
