his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Randomize
