why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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