i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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