So drunk, too bad you don't want this
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
