this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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