highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
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