somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
