As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
